


Truths

by Shazrolane



Series: Art as Therapy (formerly Art Therapy) [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: ASL, Deaf Clint Barton, Gen, M/M, Read this as gen or slash, Team as Family, it's your call
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-17 07:59:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3521552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shazrolane/pseuds/Shazrolane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are a few truths that James discovers.</p><p>Although there are foods he doesn’t like, if he tries new things he often finds more flavors to write on his wall, under the drawing of <i>Delicious</i>. He had a peach that made him cry. He drew a picture of what that tasted like and just labeled it <i>Peach</i>. None of the others have ever tasted that good. Maybe, for each thing, there was only one perfect example. Like that peach, or Steve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Truths

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Taste_is_Sweet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taste_is_Sweet/gifts).



> for the Bucky Barnes Birthday Bash, on his birthday of March 10. And given to Taste_is_Sweet, for being infinitely patient with me over the past few weeks.

There are a few truths that James discovers. 

Although there are foods he doesn’t like, if he tries new things he often finds more flavors to write on his wall, under the drawing of _Delicious_. He had a peach that made him cry. He drew a picture of what that tasted like and just labeled it _Peach_. None of the others have ever tasted that good. Maybe, for each thing, there was only one perfect example. Like that peach, or Steve.

At some point every day, he makes Steve sad. He tries not to, and Steve often tries to hide it, but then he’ll do things like crying over a peach, or get lost in the sensation that is _Soft_ or forget to eat unless he’s given permission. 

For many days, he tried to only do things that made Steve happy, but that meant not doing some of the things he liked. Steve noticed, and got sad. So James doesn’t do that anymore.

Some words are more terrifying than others. _Hope_ is still one of them. _Want_ is one that he’s recently discovered. _No_ and _Stop_ and _Don’t_ are still some of the worst, though. Even thinking them often makes him retreat to the white room. 

But he’s trying to understand those words, to understand that he is allowed to make them his own. So he stages minor rebellions. He chooses not to eat. That makes Steve sad, which is Bad but then he learns about A Bowl of Ice Cream, which was Good. He goes several days without using his hands to talk to anyone. Steve just sits with him and draws. James draws _Patience_ , which makes Steve smile. James isn’t certain, but he thinks he smiles back.

The night a week later, when he eats all of the ice cream in the freezer is goodSICK _confusing_. He feels sick afterwards, and makes a mess, and has to clean it. But Steve doesn’t hit him, and DisobedientSalute grins and gives him a high five (he had recently learned that). He never does that again, but he steals entire cartons of ice cream more frequently. 

He rips up paper and throws it everywhere, but he doesn’t break his crayons again. They were replaced once. He doesn’t want to think what would happen if he lost them a second time. (He chews at the skin on his fingers until they bleed, and uses the blood to draw. It’s not as good at the crayons, but it will do if he ever loses them.) 

Steve brings tiny _fierce_ Jane to look at his fingers.

“I’m not that kind of doctor,” Jane says. She leaves and comes back with softDarcy with her patience and soft voice and soft hair. (James touched it once. Darcy didn’t stop him.) But she puts a yellow powder on the fingers until they stop bleeding, and then wraps them in soft white. 

James is confused. The rule is the same as HYDRA’s rule - the Asset is not allowed to make the Asset non-operational. But there is no hurting, and Steve uses one of the soft words, _Please_. Please don’t hurt yourself, James.

He moves the pad he sleeps on, and props it up in a corner of the white room so no one can see him. He knows the cameras can see him, but he stays behind it anyway.

Steve brings him cushions and chairs and blankets, then shows him how to build a structure that blocks the views of any camera. Except ones hidden in the floor, of course. When Steve leaves, James pulls his blanket off of his sleeping pad and uses it to cover the floor in the structure. Now he has a place where no one can see him at all. He uses his new hand words to talk to himself, and for the first time he has secrets. 

It’s too much, so he doesn’t spend much time in it, but he likes knowing that it is there. No one takes it away. 

He is ghosting through the hallways one night, when he hears quiet crying. Pepper (who was as soft and cutting as sand) was crying. He brings her the things he wants when he is sad - ice cream, crayons and a knife, then retreats. She smiles at him before he leaves and says, “Thank you.”

Once he refuses to wear clothing. He walks into the kitchen, where DisobedientSalute gives him another high five, then continues eating cereal out of the box. James doesn’t like to eat that, so he sits and waits at the table. Natasha sits at the table so they can talk while DisobedientSalute makes pancakes for him. When Pepper comes in, she stops, an expression of surprise on her face, then smiles.

James definitely smiles back this time.

 _bright_ Tony raises an eyebrow, then goes to find Steve. Later that day, a list of rules appears outside the clear wall of the white room.

Pants are not optional  
Good job on not killing any of us, keep that up  
You can have more of anything, just ask (except for me, there’s really only one of me)

James feels for better having the rules. 

He sleeps well that night.

One day, he comes into the kitchen, to find DisobedientSalute mixing things in a bowl. That is almost always a Good Thing, so James offers to help. When the Good Thing goes into the oven, _gentle_ Bruce comes into the kitchen to make food. James recognizes the smell. It is another Good Thing, one of his favorite foods. It’s bright yellow and has vegetables with many different colors in it, and they eat it with pieces of puffy bread. James has several servings, which makes _gentle_ Bruce smile.

After dinner, they all decorate the cake with different colors of frosting, and tiny candles in different shapes and sizes, and tiny pieces of sugar that glitter. Tony takes a picture before everyone takes a piece, and it is another Good Thing.

“If you want to come into the other room, we have some presents for you,” Steve tells him. 

James wonders what mission he’s done well on, that he is being rewarded. He has been wearing pants every day. 

He follows Steve into the room, where everyone is sitting down. There is a tent structure against one wall, close enough to Steve’s favorite chair that James could touch it, if he wanted to. James likes that there is a tent, but he doesn’t want to go in it right now. He uses his hands to say, {Stay here.}

That makes all of them smile.

Darcy gives him a bundle of yarn. He loses several moments stroking the soft cloud of it, before he realizes there’s a hole in it. 

“It’s a sweater,” she tells him. “I hope it fits you.” He pulls it on. It does fit. That makes Darcy smile.

tiny _fierce_ Jane and LOUDniceThor give him a projector that makes the stars shine on the walls and ceiling. He takes it into his tent.

Pepper brings everyone ice cream, and brings him his favorite. He smiles at her. Her eyes crinkle when she smiles back. He likes that.

James stays in the tent, with his cloud and his stars, while Tony starts a movie, about a girl who argues with her mother and turns her into a bear. They fight an angry hurt bear, and yell at each other, and disobey the fatherLeader. And then everyone hugs and the movie is over. 

James takes his stars back to the white room. Before he goes in, Steve gives him a drawing, of everyone making the cake and smiling. 

James knows just where he’s going to put it, on the wall next to his bed, so he can look at it when he’s feeling lonely.  
Steve smiles, and tells him, {Goodnight,} before walking away. 

After Steve turns the corner down the hallway, James answers. 

“Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come visit me on [tumblr!](http://shazrolane.tumblr.com/)


End file.
